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The Lake News Online
  • Lake view: You gotta laugh!

  • Wow! We made it.

    That’s right, sports fans. If you’re reading this, then you, like myself, have made it through another year, finished another lap, completed yet one more trip around the board in this crazy game of life.
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  • Wow! We made it.
    That’s right, sports fans. If you’re reading this, then you, like myself, have made it through another year, finished another lap, completed yet one more trip around the board in this crazy game of life.
    I use the words “crazy” and “game” because, like most of you, I like to stay informed and keep up on current events.
    And to be quite honest, the events of the past year have led me to believe we are definitely all “crazy”, and forced me to view life in the same fashion as any other silly “game” I have played in my 42 years on this earth. I mean, if any of us tried to make any sense out of this fiasco we find ourselves in, there would surely be a shortage of water towers to climb with high-powered rifles because it simply cannot be done!
    As I sit here, on the last day of 2013, I feel the need to send the year out with a chuckle, seasoned with a little salt and a healthy dose of sarcasm. I talk to myself more often as I get older, not sure if it’s due to the aging process itself or the medication that has accompanied it.
    But I thought that I’d write down my last “conversation” with myself for the year in hopes that it would help others by bringing a smile to their faces or just make them feel better about their life simply because they aren’t me.
    At any rate, here goes:
    I see that many states have jumped on the “medical marijuana” bandwagon this year.
    Beginning Jan. 1, folks in Colorado have even legalized recreational use, leading me to believe that a lot of folks will probably decide to go on a skiing trip this year. People who hate the cold and have never been on a pair of skis in their life are logging onto Amazon to buy winter gear. This should be interesting.
    At the same time, in Wisconsin, they are looking at the idea of “Pedal Pubs.” These are multi-person bicycles that ferry riders to and from taverns. A driver steers while multiple riders sit at a bar mounted behind him, each with their own pedal and chain assembly. THAT will really be interesting. YouTube won’t be able to handle all the uploaded videos.
    In California, they have passed new “Paparazzi Laws” because of movie stars, whereas anyone who takes a photo of a child without consent can be fined and jailed.
    At the same time, they have passed a “Transgender Rights Law” becoming the first state to give specific rights to transgender students concerning bathroom use. So now, in California, it’s okay for a boy who says he feels like a girl to go to the bathroom in the stall next to your daughter in the girls bathroom at school. If you snap that kids photo outside, on the street, however, YOU will be arrested.
    Page 2 of 2 - Well, now we all know how California got the title of, “The Land of Fruits and Nuts,” don’t we?
    Nevada and Maryland are now going to be issuing drivers licenses to illegal immigrants.
    I guess that kind of makes sense since we have a federal program called “The Dream Act” which uses our tax dollars to pay for college educations for illegals and their children. At least this way the illegals can drive themselves to college classes, and leave the seats on the bus open for our kids who are on their way to work the jobs they must hold to pay for their college educations’!
    While we’re on the subject of kids, did you hear about the Arizona man that was convicted of endangering his 16-year-old nephew’s life?
    This guy told his nephew to walk into the middle of a busy intersection dressed in sheets with a turban wrapped around his head, scarf covering his face, just like a terrorist, while carrying a fake grenade launcher.
    It doesn’t surprise me that the guy was sentenced to two weeks in jail, what is surprising is that the kid actually did it! I can’t even get my little boy to “pull my finger” anymore!
    New inventions greeted us in the field of technology this year. My favorite has to be the Android powered toilet from Japan.
    Seriously.
    This toilet is accessible through your Android powered smartphone, allowing one to raise and lower the lid remotely, as well as control the water temperature of the bidet and the direction the water spins coming out of it. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Log in”.
    The “proverbial last straw”, and one of the things I found to be absolutely, undoubtedly, unabashedly hilarious however, was the fact that despite the shame of the Benghazi scandal, whereas an American ambassador was murdered, despite telling the American public to “go pound sand” when questioned about this fallacy and why our ambassadors’ cries for help were ignored by her administration, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton was named as “The Worlds’ Most Admired Living Woman” according to a recent Gallup poll released Monday.
    Not to be outdone, and despite a record low job approval rating, despite a botched healthcare rollout and stalled legislative initiatives at the start of his second term, you guessed it, Barack Hussein Obama was “The Most Admired Man!”
    C’mon admit it, ya gotta laugh! Have a great and prosperous 2014 folks!

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