Selecting The Perfect Watermelon


So I asked the lady selling watermelons at the farmers' market to help me pick out a good one and, after some bizarre ritual (I think she chanted something at one point), she handed me one.  Sarcastically, but half serious, I said “Are you sure?  She gave me the stink eye and said “Listen, I’ve been selling them for 27 years, I think know a good one when I see one.”  I drove home and cut into the worst watermelon I’ve ever tasted.  

Please, could we all just admit that it’s a crapshoot? Nobody’s an expert, so stop poking and prodding and thumping and slapping and shaking and tapping the watermelons. Just grab one, with the proper humiliation, head hung low, and take it to the check out and pay for it.